What is real and what is pretence? I think that the lines between these two are getting increasingly blurred. I feel at times that I am surrounded by a sea of superficiality and the most intriguing bit is that most of those who pretend to be what they are not or pretend to possess what they actually do not have, have over the years convinced themselves so thoroughly about this pretend person that they think they are, or the pretend traits or things they think they possess, that they actually start believing this lie themselves and there begins this fresh round of blurring between the real and the make belief.
You might think, what is this naturally sunny natured person doing reflecting on thoughts that border on cynicism, but then I am as always real, I cannot live in a bubble of happiness while what is surrounding it is this. To me my happiness is also real and not make belief and that is perhaps the single largest reason why it is lasting!I draw my happiness not from instantaneous pick me ups like shopping or makeovers or binging on food but from being with people I love or doing things I truly love. I think the difference lies in doing what makes the soul happy rather than what makes the heart happy.
So what have you done lately that has made your soul rejoice with happiness. If not, then stop for a minute, think what might and just go ahead and do it! Trust me you won't regret it!
Monday, January 30, 2012
Saturday, November 20, 2010
AND THE GAMES PEOPLE (MEN) PLAY!
I have often wondered and reflected upon the unwritten rules of this world and the trappings that all of us fall into.
I have often wondered at this complete mad race that women have amongst themselves to look beautiful, and to be desirable at any cost. What is the most potent driver behind this crazy trapping?
I have realised that it has essentially been a man's world. Men have set up the unwritten rules in society so beautifully and completely to their advantage. Men are inherently selfish and think individually. It is only about what they want.
Have women ever paused to think what purpose they are serving by looking beautiful or being (hot) desirable. However, desperately women might deny it, however much they might say that it is to make themselves feel good or put themselves in a power position, the key purpose they serve by being these two things is to satisfy what men want.
A woman's beauty gives a man trophy value and makes him feel good while her desirability feeds his fantasies and physical needs. Her wanting to attract him, feeds his ego and sense of importance. If a woman does this, they respond with praise and attention and keep the women at it. So men have set up this sub conscious trap so beautifully. Making women want to do and be exactly how they would want them to be.
What happens when a woman does not toe the line. If she is not interested in dressing to attract men or in flaunting her sexuality she will invariably be ridiculed by men as frumpy, inhibited, staid or even frigid.
It needs a very confident woman to say that she will not toe the line and do exactly as she pleases. As long as she is unperturbed by the male flak that will come her way and is secure in the knowledge that the man she wants is hers for good and finds her attractive/ desirable. Does she then really need to care about what the rest of the men in the world think about her or her sexuality?
It is interesting to examine male double standards here. A man might dismiss a beautiful but stupid woman who does not flaunt her sexuality as wooden but he will defend, admire and glorify another equally beautiful - stupid woman, but who dresses to please him or exhibits her sexuality to attract him. If the woman is behaving in accordance with how he wants women to behave she is glorified and if not, she is dismissed.
Women might argue that they are getting something out of it too. Power over men, gratification of their own physical needs,happiness etc. However, the key fact still remains that the rules of the game and the terms at which these are obtained still lie with men as all that is happening is for their benefit and as per what they want.I can understand a woman going all out to get the man she wants. Once she has him is it necessary to pander to the male egos in the world at large too?
So all this might not perhaps be all that surprising. What is definitely surprising is that as we are progressing and women are becoming more and more evolved they are conversely becoming more and more enmeshed in this primal trapping. (I saw women dressed in the shortest of skirts, fishnet stockings and spaghettis in Delhi's winter this year - freezing in the cold - but doing their best to look good, attractive and gain the attention which makes them feel good while the men are happily roaming around, warm in their winter best). A trapping which deals with the bottommost rung in the hierarchy of needs in Maslow's pyramid. So isn't there a rapid degradation happening simultaneously with growth and evolution. Do stop and think the next time you want to look hot and post those pics on facebook to feel good:-) - do you want it?!
I have often wondered at this complete mad race that women have amongst themselves to look beautiful, and to be desirable at any cost. What is the most potent driver behind this crazy trapping?
I have realised that it has essentially been a man's world. Men have set up the unwritten rules in society so beautifully and completely to their advantage. Men are inherently selfish and think individually. It is only about what they want.
Have women ever paused to think what purpose they are serving by looking beautiful or being (hot) desirable. However, desperately women might deny it, however much they might say that it is to make themselves feel good or put themselves in a power position, the key purpose they serve by being these two things is to satisfy what men want.
A woman's beauty gives a man trophy value and makes him feel good while her desirability feeds his fantasies and physical needs. Her wanting to attract him, feeds his ego and sense of importance. If a woman does this, they respond with praise and attention and keep the women at it. So men have set up this sub conscious trap so beautifully. Making women want to do and be exactly how they would want them to be.
What happens when a woman does not toe the line. If she is not interested in dressing to attract men or in flaunting her sexuality she will invariably be ridiculed by men as frumpy, inhibited, staid or even frigid.
It needs a very confident woman to say that she will not toe the line and do exactly as she pleases. As long as she is unperturbed by the male flak that will come her way and is secure in the knowledge that the man she wants is hers for good and finds her attractive/ desirable. Does she then really need to care about what the rest of the men in the world think about her or her sexuality?
It is interesting to examine male double standards here. A man might dismiss a beautiful but stupid woman who does not flaunt her sexuality as wooden but he will defend, admire and glorify another equally beautiful - stupid woman, but who dresses to please him or exhibits her sexuality to attract him. If the woman is behaving in accordance with how he wants women to behave she is glorified and if not, she is dismissed.
Women might argue that they are getting something out of it too. Power over men, gratification of their own physical needs,happiness etc. However, the key fact still remains that the rules of the game and the terms at which these are obtained still lie with men as all that is happening is for their benefit and as per what they want.I can understand a woman going all out to get the man she wants. Once she has him is it necessary to pander to the male egos in the world at large too?
So all this might not perhaps be all that surprising. What is definitely surprising is that as we are progressing and women are becoming more and more evolved they are conversely becoming more and more enmeshed in this primal trapping. (I saw women dressed in the shortest of skirts, fishnet stockings and spaghettis in Delhi's winter this year - freezing in the cold - but doing their best to look good, attractive and gain the attention which makes them feel good while the men are happily roaming around, warm in their winter best). A trapping which deals with the bottommost rung in the hierarchy of needs in Maslow's pyramid. So isn't there a rapid degradation happening simultaneously with growth and evolution. Do stop and think the next time you want to look hot and post those pics on facebook to feel good:-) - do you want it?!
Monday, July 5, 2010
NO TIME TO SMELL THE ROSES!
Have you caught yourself making resolutions to yourself lately - something like: I shall get back to painting or playing the guitar, I shall do something to be fit and in shape - yoga or walks, I must get those things for the house or do something about my hair - I need a trim!!! I can go on about this!
All these thoughts keep flitting through the mind. They occur at the moment and leave the mind as soon as something more pressing albeit more routine takes over the mind... these threads are then forgotten till something else triggers their memory again.
I have been thinking about this lately and have realised that the majority of my time is spent in doing regular routine things which need to be done repeatedly perhaps day in and day out - week after week. Although this work is important it is not something that enriches my life experience. At times I wonder will the best years of my life pass in this fashion alone. It will be so sad if I come to the fag end of my life - with lots of time to kill and maybe little fitness or energy or health to now do the things which I really want to do - the little things of pleasure! I hope not!
I hope that however, busy I might be, I will always be able to take the time out to open my window and doors when it rains and simply watch the droplets fall on the leaves and my hands. That I will always savour the first cup of tea of the day - no matter how rushed I might be. That I will luxuriate in gay abandon at the beauty of my child and the love I feel for her when she snuggles up to me or says something endearing. That I will appreciate how my love looks at me with love or the way the corners of his eyes crinkle - behind the spectacles - when he laughs! That I will always have the time to pick up the phone and talk to my parents and listen to what they have been upto lately!
I hope I never forget how fabulous it feels to stop and smell the roses on a busy day!
All these thoughts keep flitting through the mind. They occur at the moment and leave the mind as soon as something more pressing albeit more routine takes over the mind... these threads are then forgotten till something else triggers their memory again.
I have been thinking about this lately and have realised that the majority of my time is spent in doing regular routine things which need to be done repeatedly perhaps day in and day out - week after week. Although this work is important it is not something that enriches my life experience. At times I wonder will the best years of my life pass in this fashion alone. It will be so sad if I come to the fag end of my life - with lots of time to kill and maybe little fitness or energy or health to now do the things which I really want to do - the little things of pleasure! I hope not!
I hope that however, busy I might be, I will always be able to take the time out to open my window and doors when it rains and simply watch the droplets fall on the leaves and my hands. That I will always savour the first cup of tea of the day - no matter how rushed I might be. That I will luxuriate in gay abandon at the beauty of my child and the love I feel for her when she snuggles up to me or says something endearing. That I will appreciate how my love looks at me with love or the way the corners of his eyes crinkle - behind the spectacles - when he laughs! That I will always have the time to pick up the phone and talk to my parents and listen to what they have been upto lately!
I hope I never forget how fabulous it feels to stop and smell the roses on a busy day!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
HAPPINESS
We all chase happiness in our lives yet it is present in every moment that we live.
It can be as simple as a beautiful ray of sunshine lighting up the dust particles in the air as it finds it's way into the house, through the ventilator or open window; the open laugh of your child; being touched by a thoughtful gesture of a loved one; the recounting of a long forgotten childhood memory with one's mom; seeing a coloured bloom, blossoming in one's potted plants; sipping a hot cup of tea on a wintry morning to wrap your cold hands around or a glass of cold & freshly made nimbu paani on a hot summer's day; lying down at the end of a tiring day and feeling the strain ebb away from your body; just talking to an old friend... the list is endless.
Life is simple and it is only we who complicate things. It is just a simple choice. Whether we choose to rejoice in the moment or not.
It can be as simple as a beautiful ray of sunshine lighting up the dust particles in the air as it finds it's way into the house, through the ventilator or open window; the open laugh of your child; being touched by a thoughtful gesture of a loved one; the recounting of a long forgotten childhood memory with one's mom; seeing a coloured bloom, blossoming in one's potted plants; sipping a hot cup of tea on a wintry morning to wrap your cold hands around or a glass of cold & freshly made nimbu paani on a hot summer's day; lying down at the end of a tiring day and feeling the strain ebb away from your body; just talking to an old friend... the list is endless.
Life is simple and it is only we who complicate things. It is just a simple choice. Whether we choose to rejoice in the moment or not.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
WOMEN
Complex beings, women I feel are extremely powerful individuals. They are clever and have the power to make things happen. If a woman uses her power wisely and constructively there is nothing really that is beyond her reach, she can reach for the stars and get them too!
On the other hand a woman who is caught in a negative quagmire of energy can be extremely destructive. Shakespeare said that 'Hell Hath No Fury As A Woman Scorned' and I completely agree. A woman who loses her focus in life and goes on a destructive rampage when hurt, cares for no-one, she cares not for the damage she does to others and herself and hence is all the more dangerous! Women can make life difficult, unhappy, for other women in subtle ways through games and subterfuge which only women (or extremely perceptive men - a .00000000001% of the male population?!!!) can understand.
Why do they do this? They do this to assuage the complexes and insecurities that they have within. If only they could ignore these petty insecurities and rise above them. If only they chose to channel this energy into the work of their choice, not only would they make themselves happier, their families happier and more proud but they would also contribute much more to the country, the economy and the world at large.
Men, who might have a lower emotional quotient and maturity in this respect, by and large, are saved in a way, as they tend to be less complicated and do not even get a whiff of the complex happenings which go on in this seemingly invisible world, and if they do get some feelers at times, choose to keep themselves away. They thus get more time and energy to focus on their work. (This apart from the fact that society by and large has been programmed to facilitate the male member in the household going out of the house to win the bread...we shall flesh out this argument another day!!!)
Why do we as women not learn, and use the power that is bestowed upon us positively towards its maximum potential instead of losing some sheen by being enmeshed in petty social politics, created & managed by womenkind. If this could only happen, if this would indeed happen, if only women in any position of power (whether at work or at home) would actually empower the women they interact with and truly empathise with the problems faced by them (if any) instead of succumbing to petty jealousies & insecurities, it would be a step forward towards making the world a happier place for women!
On the other hand a woman who is caught in a negative quagmire of energy can be extremely destructive. Shakespeare said that 'Hell Hath No Fury As A Woman Scorned' and I completely agree. A woman who loses her focus in life and goes on a destructive rampage when hurt, cares for no-one, she cares not for the damage she does to others and herself and hence is all the more dangerous! Women can make life difficult, unhappy, for other women in subtle ways through games and subterfuge which only women (or extremely perceptive men - a .00000000001% of the male population?!!!) can understand.
Why do they do this? They do this to assuage the complexes and insecurities that they have within. If only they could ignore these petty insecurities and rise above them. If only they chose to channel this energy into the work of their choice, not only would they make themselves happier, their families happier and more proud but they would also contribute much more to the country, the economy and the world at large.
Men, who might have a lower emotional quotient and maturity in this respect, by and large, are saved in a way, as they tend to be less complicated and do not even get a whiff of the complex happenings which go on in this seemingly invisible world, and if they do get some feelers at times, choose to keep themselves away. They thus get more time and energy to focus on their work. (This apart from the fact that society by and large has been programmed to facilitate the male member in the household going out of the house to win the bread...we shall flesh out this argument another day!!!)
Why do we as women not learn, and use the power that is bestowed upon us positively towards its maximum potential instead of losing some sheen by being enmeshed in petty social politics, created & managed by womenkind. If this could only happen, if this would indeed happen, if only women in any position of power (whether at work or at home) would actually empower the women they interact with and truly empathise with the problems faced by them (if any) instead of succumbing to petty jealousies & insecurities, it would be a step forward towards making the world a happier place for women!
Friday, April 23, 2010
RELATIONSHIPS!
Why do we strive to always find a balance in all our relationships. Why do we invariably feel bad about someone not giving back as much as we gave them. Resentment does tend to creep as we grow older about this measurement of give and take in every relationship. With siblings, with loved ones, with friends, with juniors at work, the list is endless. How many times have you caught yourself thinking " I am doing this for them but would they in turn do this for me...and if not, then why should I do this? We begin to see the selfishness in others and find ourselves wanting to check it...how?...by not giving...ourselves!
Having said this, I realise, that only those who are willing to let this unequal status of relationships be and are not bothered about it, are truly happy & at peace. They utilise the mind space which is free of such negative weeds, to sow flowers of glorious colours and fragrance, and reap benefits of a happy patch of colour in their garden. So we make choices! When in a happy mood I set aside such thoughts and exult in the beauty of my garden but when I am in a negative frame of mind I let the weeds take over and spoil my garden! I have a long way to go but the sunny realisation is there with me! I am happy!
Having said this, I realise, that only those who are willing to let this unequal status of relationships be and are not bothered about it, are truly happy & at peace. They utilise the mind space which is free of such negative weeds, to sow flowers of glorious colours and fragrance, and reap benefits of a happy patch of colour in their garden. So we make choices! When in a happy mood I set aside such thoughts and exult in the beauty of my garden but when I am in a negative frame of mind I let the weeds take over and spoil my garden! I have a long way to go but the sunny realisation is there with me! I am happy!
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
LIFE - BEAUTIFUL LIFE!
Life is truly beautiful. I am blessed to have been given so much and if I still crib about what I don't have, I must be so stupid - n'est ce pas? But we are human beings and we do and it is only at moments of peace, when I reflect upon things on a contented note and when I can take a look at things from a distance that I realise the truth - that each day is a gift. I am truly blessed to be alive and I should live it to the fullest - 'Drink life to the lees' as Tennyson had imagined Ulysses to have lived his!
There is so much to do, so much of the world to see, so many new things to experience with the man I hold dearest to my heart. I want to spend happy moments with my daughter, enjoy her childishness & imprint the clear ring of her unaffected (yet) by the world, laugh in my memory.
Yes I love life! Thank God for it!
There is so much to do, so much of the world to see, so many new things to experience with the man I hold dearest to my heart. I want to spend happy moments with my daughter, enjoy her childishness & imprint the clear ring of her unaffected (yet) by the world, laugh in my memory.
Yes I love life! Thank God for it!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
.jpg)